


haunt me x3

by kyoagito



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Fluff and Angst, I just think reiner and armin would be good friends, M/M, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, it's gonna be a sad one boys, snk season 3 and 4 spoilers, some falco too, this is NOT reiner/armin btw, zeke is there a lil bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29385444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoagito/pseuds/kyoagito
Summary: so haunt me, haunt me, haunt mehad he thought of that? he didn't want to. even now, actually.
Relationships: Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover
Kudos: 16





	haunt me x3

it's been years. it was pointless to worry about _now,_ but _why_ now? he had nothing to gain from venting his anger, but nothing left in his life to lose because of it. it made his heart throb, but he doesn't think he's been happy in a long time, anyway. every smile felt superficial. every laugh, faked.

punching bag number... three? or was it four, now? zeke had witnessed the demise of number two and simply placed a cup of water on the floor, glanced at the other man quietly, and left. the warriors all have their own ways of dealing with their emotions, but the stage right after "pretend they don't exist" is always the most explosive. despite this display, he was at his most vulnerable. every repressed memory, every devastating feeling, every self-destructive urge was being unleashed, here. and once he got over himself, they'd be bottled back up again until the next time.

_I wanna be haunted, I wanna be loved_

number eight. he couldn't go on. sitting against the wall, his golden eyes glistened and the skin on his knuckles was raw and starting to split, small crimson beads forming dot work along his fingers. where had this cup of water came from? whoever left it here for him, he was thankful.

"vice chief," a small voice came from his side, one he didn't recognize for a split second, "it's time to go. it's getting late."

he looked up at falco, who was peering ever so cautiously around the corner. the boy watched him patiently. he couldn't help but give a feigned chuckle at the innocent curiosity on his face. "alright, I'm coming."

_I want a lot of friends and a lot of drugs_

click!

a metallic clang, a slide of the bolt, and his empty eyes barely seem to follow his movements. it all feels automatic. nothing he hadn't done before. just, not like this. not like this. he always had to be high on something to keep going. to make himself believe he still had a purpose.

he drove the muzzle up against the roof of his mouth so hard for a moment he thought he had dug through the flesh and started bleeding on the barrel. not that it would matter.

_I'll be seeing you, promise._

_I wanna be haunted, I won't leave my bed_

"damn it!"

the voice startled him. did someone just bang on the wall? who's voice was that?

he removed the muzzle from his mouth and let his jaw fall slack. a string of saliva bridged between it and his lips as he choked and went into a coughing fit, the taste of metal lingering on his tongue. what was he doing? why was he doing this? he stood up, and gripped the bars of the window behind him. a familiar blonde-haired boy was walking away with his back turned to the wall.

"oh, that's right," he mumbled to himself, "I still have them."

_damn it all._

_I won't go crazy and I won't get sad_

when he finally came to and heard about what happened at the harbor, he didn't want to believe it. he felt sick. only one titan could've done that much damage. but he didn't want to believe it. he couldn't. he had died. he was eaten. it... he, was someone else, now.

and he wasn't there for him. he wasn't there.

he spent the evening isolating himself in a bathroom, slumped over, head in his hands, letting himself fall victim once again to his grief and self pity.

_so haunt me, haunt me, haunt me, ooh_

_so haunt me, haunt me, haunt me, ooh_

had he thought of that? he didn't want to. even now, actually.

it was him, now, wasn't it? he had gotten a haircut since the last time he'd seen him. the colossal titan, it was him. _he_ was... him. no, it couldn't be like that.

he watched the way armin had interacted with his friends, how he interacted with him. armin cared about his comrades, he cared so much. he was gentle. thoughtful, smart, sweet. everything he missed. but, just maybe, something was still there. he had his memories. well, hopefully not _all_ of them, that would be... embarrassing. but maybe a piece of him lingered.

"...armin?"

"huh?"

he paused. he didn't think the younger boy would stop to listen to him, after everything. he turned to face him, his gentle blue eyes looking up into desperate golden ones. he was quite taller than armin, so he had to lean down a bit.

_so haunt me, haunt me, haunt me, ooh_

_so haunt me, haunt me, haunt me, ooh_

"hey! what are you-" armin stopped dead mid-sentence. his eyes widened. his muscles eased and he let himself lean into the other man's grip. he held him in a tight embrace and armin felt... _something,_ a strange sensation, one he wasn't familiar with. for the first time in a while, he felt at peace, no less in the arms of a former enemy.

"hey, bertholdt."

armin blinked. the man pulled back from him but kept his hands on his shoulders. there was... a gaze of familiarity shared between them. armin's eyes welled up almost immediately. why was he starting to cry? what was he feeling? his emotions didn't feel like his own. something seemed to change in armin's expression. it couldn't be pinpointed what, exactly. he spoke, and the tone was familiar. it wasn't questioning. it wasn't demeaning. it felt like a greeting.

"...reiner?"

the blonde man gave a single breathy chuckle. his eyes spilled with every emotion he felt, every thought he had buried away, every memory he had pushed down, everything was showing. and he thought that, just maybe this time, he wouldn't have to pick it all back up and put it away again. "hey," he repeated, his voice gravely with emotion and a futile attempt not to sob.

armin leaned into him, wrapping his arms around reiner and letting his wet eyes flutter shut. as they cried together, holding each other, armin spoke softly.

"hey."

_...and follow the path you were destined to have_

_you know, oftentimes we don't slow down to think about the grudges_

_resentments, and anger that we hold on to every day_

_in our bodies, in our hearts, and in our minds_

_whether you're aware of it or not, I am willing to bet you_

_that there is a way that you are disappointed in yourself_

_that there is a way that-_


End file.
